


Hawke in Warden's Armor

by Herald_of_Naamah



Series: In the Family [1]
Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Hawkes Saving the World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-03 12:54:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4101700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herald_of_Naamah/pseuds/Herald_of_Naamah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>History in the Dragon Age was forged by a Hero, a Champion, and a Herald- but what if they weren't so different? what if they were siblings?</p><p>Part One: A soldier's unexpected actions result in Duncan recruiting much closer to the battlefield.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Warden

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU where each Hawke has a different role in Thedas, starting with custom "Champion" Marian Hawke being caught leaving the Lothering militia once they are brought into Cailan's army at Ostagar. The rest is a trickle-down effect of this one event.
> 
> Enjoy!

Marian Hawke looked up at the Templars, defiance cold in her eyes as they spat another question at her. Well really, she mused idly in her head, it was the same question with extra sharp-pointy-ness behind it. It was actually getting a bit boring. With a sigh, Marian did her best to wet her mouth and spit at the one in front of her asking questions, noting a bit grimly that it was mostly blood. He noticed as well and laughed even as Hawke turned her head downwards.

"We know you met with an apostate, soldier. Tell us who it was and why you helped them flee."

It was a rational suggestion. Most people would have accepted the deal in an instant. It had probably been a whole day she'd been down here with the gathered Templars, and they definitely weren't being hospitable. She figured they were halfway between the camps where Cailan was gathering the troops and Lothering. Hopefully a day was enough head start. It gave her the little strength to fall back on her normal quips. "You caught me," she managed. "My dog is a powerful blood mage from Tevinter. You know what they say about the bond between mabari and master." She hung her head. With any luck, Carver was already getting mother and Bethany to safety. She prayed to the Maker for that to be the case, otherwise this torture and...what it was leading to...were meaningless.

The Templar raised his hand to strike again when a strong, deep voice ordered "Stop." It wasn't in panic of any kind, but the sheer power behind it made the Templar drop his stance. Marian forced herself to pull up and lift her head to see the new arrival. Mostly, she saw an upset Templar who had the nerve to look sheepish. The other form just barely entered her view when her strength gave out.

Luckily her tormentor was helpful enough to identify the new arrival. "Warden Commander Duncan! What are..?"

"Untie the prisoner."

"But Ser..."

"I said untie her. Now. Or I will tell King Cailan you are hindering Warden business. As of this moment, Marian Hawke is my problem."

The red-head groaned as they released the bonds, partially in relief and partially in fear of this new development. If the Wardens were dispersing the King's justice she was even more buggered. She knew how it looked: she'd deserted the King's army to head towards Lothering and was found meeting in secret with someone who created a barrier in their wake. Magic. To them, that meant apostate. It looked really, really, really BAD. And Commander Duncan was not known for his mercy. Marian determined her best bet was to look non-threatening; that said, it didn't matter much when she was simply allowed to fall in a tumble to the floor. She did try sitting up, but on her own that seemed too hard a task.

Once the Templars left, however, Marian found herself lifted up and helped to a stone bench by the Warden. He sat beside her, neither complaining or commenting when her body slumped against him. Instead he looked her over with a discerning eye. Marian felt uncomfortably reminded of her father when assessing friend versus foe while on the run. It was even more unexpected when he pulled something from his belt and pressed it to her lips.

The taste was familiar. Bethany made healing potions often, and almost instantly Hawke felt her body ease a bit. She spared a look at Duncan, now able to turn her head. He was definitely every bit as advertised and she probably should feel threatened even now. Honestly though, Marian was beyond caring much about threat analysis. Nothing would be worse than torture and death. Well, almost nothing. Perhaps attempting to juggle rodents while reciting Orlesian ballads would be worse. Or having to listen to someone doing so...

Marian forced her mind to stop wandering. Instead, now not as dead-feeling, she managed a remarkably strong "Thanks for that."

The Warden nodded. "I was watching the last few minutes. You remind me of myself a bit," he offered. Marian just gave a light grunt in response, unsure where this was going. "I don't suppose you'd tell me what happened if I was able to get the charges of desertion and harboring an apostate dropped?"

Marian Hawke chuckled, though steel entered her eyes. "That's a good guess." Her own life, or Bethany. It was a trade she didn't mind making. She'd been prepared ever since their father died. "As for desertion...I never planned to leave. Not permanently at least."

He looked at her, with a look that seemed to look through her. Marian was disturbed by that gaze. She tried to straighten under it, so similar it was to her father, only to have her body regret the action. Moving would not be in her immediate future.

"Hawke. Marian Hawke. I can't promise you your freedom, at least not the way you remember it, but...in your eyes I see at least some of the answers you hide. Is it your brother, the one who was with you?"

Warning flashed in her head immediately. He was to close to the nail. "Leave Carver out of this," she warned, surprising even herself by how strong her voice suddenly became.

"It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I took the liberty of retrieving your record. You have been very careful to stay in the middle Miss Hawke."

"Maybe I'm just mediocre."

"Your record includes your actions when you were caught," he added. "I'm not an imbecile."

Marian suddenly felt very young and small. It really was disturbing. "Ah. So then." She had nothing else she could say. Of course she had hidden some of her talent, hoping to remain under the watch of the officers as much as deferring to Carver's vanity.

"I was going to head off and hunt an additional recruit. I considered Highever, Orzamar, The Circle...even the Brecilian," he confided. "It seems fate is with me today however. I found you."

"Recruit?" Marian knew her voice was shaking. This sounded like he was giving her a very dangerous out. "Warden Commander I am sure I am confused. I'm Marian Hawke, and I'm currently accused of various forms of treason. Yet your last comment sounded..." She trailed off. Her mother had spoken of the Wardens only once. It was Hawke's understanding they did not ASK, yet here she was being given some semblance of choice.

"Does it sound like I'm recruiting a strong, capable woman who has proven she will stand up for her beliefs into the Wardens? I am." He actually broke a smile. That decided Marian quickly. Besides, it meant living, and she was all for that.

It took several seconds however for the offer and her intended response to it to process. Thus instead of an affirmative, what came out was a snarky, "Andraste's firm little ass!" Horror immediately struck her as she realized what she'd said and who she'd said it in front of. She covered her mouth, letting her brain try to catch up with her. "Not that Andraste had an...I mean, I'm sure she DID have a...and I'm sure it was quite lovely...but I didn't..."

"Don't worry about it. The Chant doesn't talk about it but if she was the Maker's bride surely she was well-formed all over. Including her...ass." Duncan snickered, but quickly recovered the momentary lapse. "So is that a yes?"

"I suppose it is."

And that is how Marian Hawke was conscripted into the order of the Grey Wardens.

000 - scene break - 000

Ostagar was exactly what Marian had anticipated. She deftly avoided meeting Cailan or Loghain, embarrassed and uncertain what either would think of her or the sudden switch into the Grey Wardens that had occurred. Instead she chose to head off to meet the others in camp who shared her fate. She called to mind her directions to the man she was to contact and prepared to speak with him.

"Please tell me you aren't another mage." The strange blonde man looked at her, his nose wrinkled and looking quite put off.

Marian cocked her head. "Do I look like a mage, Warden?" She kept her voice light, and she knew the tips of her mouth were likely curling. "Alistair, yes?"

"How do you... oh, you must be the new recruit. Hawke, wasn't it?"

The two formed a fast friendship, spending far longer talking about nonsense than Marian would deem wise. Alistair continued the work as needed, relaying orders and meeting briefly the other recruits as they arrived. Before long the two wound up passing the kennels, and Marian found herself pulled towards them inexplicably. Alistair followed curiously, watching as she looked at the sick mabari.

"She has Rowlf's coloring," she wondered.

"Rowlf?"

"My brother's hound," Marian explained. "A very sweet thing. No idea how it managed to bond with him."

Alistair continued to watch as she muzzled the poor creature, felt as she bonded with it in the process. Poor thing probably wouldn't last, though, so the imprinting didn't much matter. Marian seemed to sense this as well, though she promised to at least try.

Alistair did find the girl easy to like. Marian Hawke spoke with everyone as equals, regardless how they reacted to her. Even the other two recruits seemed to appreciate her aims to bring the group together before she even realized how closely they would work together. Alistair decided it was time to open up. If she survived initiation, Hawke was someone he might be proud to consider a friend.


	2. By the Stone

Mari-

It is with the utmost relief I received your letter at some squalor here in Lowtown. I had given up hope you yet lived, and honestly I am not sure if it was better to think you dead or know you are with the Grey Wardens. Mother cried, and took hours to calm down. She said something about this being the second threat to you from the Wardens... I don't know what she means so please, please be careful Marian!

Bethany and I are working for a group of mercenaries. You'd hate them, but they've treated us respectably. After a year we will be able to separate and take jobs of our own. It is good to be fighting though, even if all the crooks here are small time.

I'm proud of you Mari. Choose your paths with caution. Know if you die I won't ever forgive you.

-Carver

\- - In Orzamar - -

Marian held the letter she'd gotten from the Jenny courier close to her, reading it again before setting it back into her pack. She had been relieved to hear her family still lived, and that relief took over even from the horror of the situation. Loghain was trying to kill her and Alistair, and much of Fereldan believed the Wardens at fault for Ostagar's mess. Marian determined on their brief stint to Lothering that her first order of business (since Alistair was quietly following her lead) was damage control. It would be part and parcel of their mission, swaying the public to their cause.

Luckily image was a thing Marian knew well. Pick the right person for the right job, and it was almost done for you. Thus the variety she was comfortable with in her group was extreme. She gathered the witch, the former Templar, the Circle mage, and now the Chantry sister. She hadn't expected the assassin, but his presence was welcome. Somewhat.

Now they had begun to utilize the old agreements of the Wardens, and had travelled into the mountains. Marian found the dwarven city of Orzamar strangely beautiful once you got past the cut-throat politics. It seemed Mari made a good name for herself and the order here, allowing them to continue the journey into the ancient thaig.

In the tunnels, when camp needed to be made, they could just pull-up their bedrolls and create a watch schedule. It made life much simpler as she went with Morrigan, Alistair, and Wynne into the roads. The only problem was that as she slept there before going into the Deep Roads for their quest the nightmares came back, worse. Images in her head, cries of terror, all repeating over and over. It did not improve on the journey, and hours after putting the letter away and putting her head down Marian found herself waking up with a single, sharp beginning of a scream, sitting bolt upright and wrapping her arms around her body in an instinctive attempt to protect herself.

Alistair had luckily taken the first watch and was there in an instant. "Sorry. I probably should've warned you it can get worse the closer to the darkspawn you get."

Marian nodded slowly, deliberately. "Forewarning would have been nice, yes."

He handed her a canteen. "Mouth is probably a bit dry, yes?"

"I...yes." She took a sip, thankful as it ran down her throat. "Much appreciated."

Alistair sat down beside her. "You know Hawke, I don't know much about you other than that you were with the Lothering militia that joined up with the army. Apparently you have a brother, or so I think Duncan mentioned." He blushed a bit. "Just wanted to know more about you."

Marian took a deep breath and looked around their small campsite. Wynne and Morrigan were as far apart as possible, and neither seemed to have been bothered by her cry (though she suspected at least Morrigan was awake). Still, she thought hard before looking at her male companion again. Not even Duncan had known the truth, she realized. It was lonely. Besides, Alistair was someone different from the others. From the beginning they had understood something of the other...

Marian finally decided to come clean. It all spilled forth, hesitant but steady. Her father, her sister, and the lifetime of hiding. She detailed how she had come to be conscripted through Duncan's mercy, and told him of her fears. In turn he listened, intently, offering a supportive arm as necessary. He just listened, as she had during their earlier discussions.

"I just got a letter actually. I know they're in Kirkwall. I just..." She let her breath hitch, put her head to her knees. "Maker's balls I'm a mess."

"Yes." She looked up to see his mirth. "Then again, so am I. So is the witch, and even dear Wynne at this point. I wouldn't dwell on that Hawke."

"Of course. After we kill the archdemon we can all find a cleric who'll council us as a group. Cut down on fees for the donations." She forced herself to match his smile. "Your watch is almost over, yes? I'll take it from here."

Alistair happily complied. "If I start muttering or twitching..."

"I'll wake you. Promise."

As her fellow Warden slept, Marian watched the camp and pondered. Alistair was quickly becoming closer than anyone had before, except maybe Carver- only because her brother grew up knowing her secrets. Here was the first person outside the Hawkes she had spoken to about any of her past. She didn't plan on making a habit, but perhaps Alistair was a good exception. They had gotten to very similar places, even if the circumstances were greatly different.

Marian had never wanted anything more before now. Yet she could no longer hide that she was no young girl, and she did have fancies of her own. Alistair was nothing like the men she had eyed in Lothering, or anywhere before that. He was more real, more humorous.

More like her.

Perhaps she should pursue the option, but truthfully she had no idea how to go about asking if he was even interested. She wasn't even sure if the middle of a blight was the best place to be considering the options. She knew it was selfish, but on the other hand this also happened to be the first time in seven years she wasn't concerned primarily with the safety of her family. Possibly, just possibly, this was the perfect time to finally consider what she as Marian Hawke wanted.

When Alistair began tossing lightly in the evening, Marian went to him. A simple brush of his hair calmed the man, and he settled back down with the brief contact. It made Marin curious if that was what quelled the nightmares. The concept begged for more study.

Morrigan was nearest, quite fast asleep. Lightly, Marian eased Alistair into moving just so, getting him nearer still. He never quite woke up, and went deeply into sleep as soon as Marian got the apostate into better position. Not only would it serve to let her observe, it would also be a great prank come what served for morning down here.

The next morning, Alistair woke to feel a warm body against his. It was nice, but strange. "Hawke?" he asked, moving slow.

"Pillows shouldn't move." That was assuredly not Hawke's voice. Alistair shot up to his feet and looked down at a still half-asleep Morrigan now clutching the ground.

Marian was on the side, laughing with a rebellious gleam in her eye.

"Hawke!" Alistair whined.

"Why must you...drone..?" Morrigan finally woke more and, seeing the predicament and filling blanks in, sighed. "That is cruel. Don't put me with the fanatical child."

"You two needed some way to break the ice," Marian shrugged. "Can't fight when it's someone else who embarrasses you."

"I..." Morrigan made to protest than stopped. "You aren't wrong."

"But she is. Can't fight each other, but we may band together against you Warden Hawke."

Alistair had just reminded Marian of the one flaw in her plan. She groaned as even Morrigan grinned wolfishly.

"Umm...sorry?"

"Not yet." Their voiced were scary when in tandem.

"Wynne!?"

"Sorry dear, but you made this mess."

Marian would later admit the resulting chase was the scariest bit of enjoyment she'd ever had.

Alistair and Morrigan were back to bickering while they walked the whole day however. Marian tired of it, staying with Wynne and doing her best to block it out. Her mind was scrambling enough without the added frustration; no need to borrow trouble.

It happened after Morrigan made a comment on how Marian's saved mabari was more intelligent than Alistair. It wasn't off-hand, but definitely felt tossed away. It still brought several minutes of silence before, quietly, Alistair asked, "Why do you always go on about how stupid I am? I'm not stupid, am I?"

Morrigan softened her voice, answering lightly. "If you need to ask the question..."

"Because it hurts my manly feelings, you know." Alistair chuckled, though it didn't quite reach his tone. "All one of them."

The Witch paused to take his hand. "Then I'll be sure to write you an apology once all of this is over." It was a friendly motion, and dropped within seconds, but just enough to make Marian smile. Finally, somehow, the two most combative members of her party were starting to tolerate each other.

After Orzamar was clear and the dwarves pledged to the cause, Marian returned to the entire group. She was pleased to note that Morrigan chose to stop keeping her own fire and join the rest of their band. She even stopped bickering with Alistair- not that she didn't tease, but the tones changed dramatically, easier and more jovial. That Mari saw her fellow Warden was able to handle, and she managed to calm. She didn't stop thinking of Alistair though, her mind working in new, strange patterns. Even the nightmares changed drastically to include him, disturbing her beyond reason.

It was Marian Hawke's first crush.


	3. Witches and Templars

"What about you, Hawke? Anywhere you'd call home?"

Marian was pulled from any other thoughts at Alistair's question. For him of course it would be Redcliffe, but as the female Warden thought she realized it was a hard question. Lothering was gone, her family fled to a city she had never even visited. "I could say it is with my family," she conceded, "but that isn't quite right anymore. I left that charge behind me. I guess if I am to have a home, Alistair it would be with the Wardens. With..." She paused, hesitating at the last word until she manage to look up into his eyes. Such a sweet, soft brown. How had she not noticed? "With you," she finally managed, blushing.

"Careful, or I just might think you were flirting with me, and wouldn't want that would you? A man raised by a pack of dogs?"

Marian did laugh, breaking contact. It was a false humor even to her, and she had to wonder if Alistair caught on. Apparently the answer was no, since he changed to talking about his previous companions. It sounded as though they'd had fun in their own way, even Duncan. She let him talk and reminisce, hoping it would help. Beyond everything else Alistair was her friend, and she valued that bond greatly. It also gave her insight into Duncan's leadership, and how he would want the Grey Wardens to proceed.

Marian was pleased with how her group turned out if nothing else. For as diverse as they were, every single one of them manage to get along. To a point at least. That didn't mean there weren't any hiccups- Leliana's strong devotion to the Chantry did rile Sten from time to time, and Marian was sure Wynne was going to either kill or kiss Zevran sometime soon just to see the result. All in all however, she was pleased with the communication now that Alistair and Morrigan were talking.

The biggest surprise she got was after clearing the Circle on their second mission. Morrigan and Alistair had both performed admirably, only to disappear as soon as they returned to camp. Hawke spoke with Wynne for an hour about the Circle, the two calmly debating what came first: the repression or the blood magic. Then she became a little concerned. It wasn't like either Alistair or Morrigan to run off. Not anymore.

Marian looked around after her discourse with the elder mage and found a separate campfire. Morrigan had done that for the first few weeks, but it showing up now did confuse her. Most would have simply allowed the separation but Hawke hadn't liked the inconsistency. Still didn't. Instead of ordering, she'd brought the young witch into the group, convincing the others to see her and talk with her. It had been rewarding- especially when she and Alistair stopped bickering and began bantering. She wasn't going to let it be for nothing.

Slowly, Marian approached, wondering if she would need to talk things out with Morrigan after the Circle. Instead, her ears picked up something much more telling.

"So tell me, was the Tower of Magi everything you thought it would be?"

The chuckle in response was very dry. "Abominations running rampant? Templars ready to slaughter every mage in sight? Yes, it rather met all my expectations."

"You don't think you might have been better off getting your training there? Instead of whatever your mother taught you?"

"You're right. My mother didn't nearly have as many abominations running about. That certainly would have improved my education."

Alistair laughed heartily. Marian kept stealthy, not wanting either so see her and break the moment. "I'll give you that one," the former Templar agreed. "Though it would have been nice. Someone like you in the tower may have made me less apt to leave first chance I got."

"If I was trained at the Tower I would not be who I am now, choir boy. Best things remain as they are."

Alistair moved closer. "True enough. Morrigan, there is...I mean..." He pulled something from his waist pouch. "Do you know what this is?"

Marian about choked and blew her cover seeing the item he offered to the witch: a single rose. Morrigan did not gawk, instead looking into his eyes with a smile. "Your new weapon of choice?"

Marian winced. Her fellow warden was putting his heart on the line, and Mari was near certain the witch would not be gentle in her rejection. Still Alistair combated with his own easy humor, seeming eased. "That's right. Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, darkspawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent." His face softened then, and Marian had to smile at his touching kindness towards Morrigan. "Or, you know, it could just be a rose. I know that's pretty dull in comparison."

Morrigan considered the man in front of her, and the flower on her hand. "You know, sentiment CAN be a pretty potent weapon I am told." She was leaning close to him now, as if expecting...

Marian closed her eyes, calming herself as she backed away. This was a private moment, and one she should not be witnessing. Her heart cried a little as she stepped away, her head reeling.

Alistair and Morrigan. She should have noticed their connection, and thought better when they began to be lighter with each other. It happened somewhere when they had been griping, Morrigan again attacking Alistair's intellect. That time it had grated on him and he'd spoken up. Sure Morrigan had initially replied with scorn, but then she had come to him with an herb of healing and apology later after he'd gotten in the way of a darkspawn trying to attack her.

With a breath, Hawke let her own crush on the former Templar dissipate. No sense in thinking on it if he had found someone else to accept his affections. One more to add to her list of romances considered but never acted on. One more thing she was too late for.

Not that it would get her down.

Marian had a smile back before she even returned to the main fire. Wynne considered her but remained wisely silent. "Hey Leliana," Marian asked as she added some wood to the fire, "do you have any stories to tell?"

000 - on route to the next location - 000

The road to the Brecilian forest felt every bit as long as it was. Marian was glad to have her whole group with her as they went. Then she saw Morrigan and Alistair making doe-eyes at each other and sighed loudly.

"What's the deal with him anyway?" She asked, glaring pointedly at Morrigan.

"Him? Who him? Is this supposed to mean something to me?"

Marian grumbled, walking away as she murmured. "You know exactly who I mean. Mister...mister kissy-face over there." She was suddenly keenly aware everyone was watching as she started back to the front.

"Why...oh. You're jealous. I didn't think...did I take your favorite Grey Warden away from you?"

Marian felt the group pause, and glanced to her side to see Alistair gaping. "I'm not jealous."

"Those blushing cheeks tell a different tale," Leliana butt in. Even Zevran seemed amused by the flustering.

"I'm just concerned you'll turn into a spider and suck the blood out of him when you are done, Morrigan."

The witch laughed raucously. "Did you need to...suck...on something of Alistair's?"

Marian went off in a short huff. "That is not what I meant and you know it."

It was several minutes of scouting ahead before Hawke felt two of her group come up around her. She turned to see Alistair and Zevran both there.

"Marian I..." Alistair sighed. "I am sorry if..."

"Forget it." Marian forced her brightest smile. "Go back to your witchy witch." Her tone was playful- both he and Morrigan knew she meant nothing cruel. "Do tell her to have a little more care next time she dabbles in another girl's feelings though."

"Mari.."

"I said forget it. Zevran, help me look ahead?"

Once Alistair had gone, Zevran reached a hand for Marian. "Are you alright? Truly? She was a bit cruel."

"It wasn't untrue, though I don't know if that's better or worse." She looked to the elf. "You're a good friend. If only we weren't wrapped up in totally opposite directions we might... As it is I think if we ever did make a go of it we'd create another archdemon."

Zevran laughed. "We would, wouldn't we cara?" He let her have a brief hug and walked forward to scout the area with her, but not before saying, "You'll find your match. Some nobleman no doubt with a healthy respect for family and a handsome face. Though he will have to have a very dry humor indeed in order to make up for your abundant witty remarks."

Marian joined his laughter. "If he's a master archer maybe Leliana will get off my back about learning the bow."


	4. The Assassin and the Bard

Marian Hawke had a strange grace about her long before becoming a warden. Her movements were always oddly fluid, and her demeanor stayed even. It made it almost impossible for Leliana to ignore her capabilities and desire to train her. The two red-heads began spending inordinate amounts of time, Marian soaking in the bardic arts like a sponge and Leliana gushing about life in Orlais. They gained an easy friendship and constantly chatted.

Hawke took best to the two-weapon styles. Leliana watched as her friend went through the motion of the butterfly yet again. Zevran had taken a few moments to watch, wearing his keen interest on his sleeve as his eyes followed her fluid movements. When Hawke finished the exercise, thrilled at the near perfection, she sat beside the other two rogues grinning.

"Well done," Leliana complimented. "How is the bow work coming?"

Marian was not embarrassed about letting her face fall. "I'm not good with bows, Leliana. Maybe when the war is over we will have more time, and then I can take the extra hours to master the art."

Leliana pursed her lips. Mari could hear the reprimand in her head, even mouthing it as the Orlesian woman spoke. "A bard must be comfortable with any weapon that is given, Hawke. What if your enemy is beyond your reach?"

Marian patted her friend on the back. "In that case, my dear nightingale, I pray to the Maker your arrows are close until such time as I am worthy to hold the bow."

Zevran laughed as the red-head blushed at the compliment. Stuttering, the bard excused herself, leaving Zevran and Marian alone.

"You have a trustworthy way about you, Hawke," the assassin noted. "No wonder people have flocked to you. It would be difficult to cause you harm from outside your inner circle the way we would protect you."

"Is this where you try and finish that contract, Zev? Because if so, you've lost the element of surprise." Mari still made no move to grab her blades, her eyes flashing with humor.

"Not at all. I just wanted to tell you- well, thank you again, I suppose. That and compliment your magnificence."

Marian smirked. "Or you are simply trying to get me in bed."

"And if I am? Would that be such a bad goal for me, cara?" Marian became still as the breezes, unwilling and unable to move. When the male elf put a and under her chin, forcing her face up, a frown suddenly very prominent. Shaking his head, Zevran apologized. "I have overstepped. My mistake. I won't bring it up again."

"No, Zevran." Marian sighed, reaching out a hand to catch his. "This is all on me I'm afraid. I'm...I wouldn't know...that is...I've never..."

"Never what, cara? Never hit a nug? Never ate Rivaini food? Never...licked a lamppost in winter?" He stepped forward, arms moving around her as she blushed profusely at his last comment. He giggled lightly. "You're pretty when you are embarrassed."

"Zevran, stop."

"I could stop yes, but I wanted to talk first. Remember I am a Crow. Pleasure is rare, and we must take it when and where we may. I don't expect anything but an evening to let us both relax. A diversion. And if you've never...licked a lamppost in winter...I promise I can be gentle too."

Marian considered. He was handsome enough, but she didn't want to use him. That would smell of his former masters, and cheapen him. "Why are you interested?" She let a little interest seep into her own voice, curiosity along with it.

"You can fight, you are considerate, and you are quite beautiful. I do have needs of my own, and you seem the most apt party."

Marian nodded her head. She had already given herself permission to be selfish after all, and even if Zevran wasn't her most apt romantic partner he was a friend. This was something only he could safely offer, his expertise in the matter unique. If anyone could help Marian understand her needs, these new urges, it was this Antivan elf.

"Gentle?" she asked. "You promise?"

"Of course, cara."

The next morning Marian awoke wrapped up in a pair of lithe yet somehow quite firm arms. The night before ran through her mind, bringing a slow smile to her face. She turned, slowly, to see Zevran was already awake. He nestled in for a brief kiss, then pulled back to meet Marian's eyes head on. Marian didn't even have to beat back a blush, feeling confident in front of him.

"Good morning, Hawke."

Maybe not fully confident. The female Warden burst into a light giggle at his greeting, memories of the previous night filling her mind. He had been an apt teacher, guiding her and ensuring mutual pleasure. At least she hoped it was. His answering grin certainly indicated he had found it enjoyable. Schooling her features and dulling the giggle, Marian managed to say part of what she felt. "That was...thank you."

"I hope it was not too uncomfortable for you." A crease of concern crossed Zevran's brow, a hand coming to caress her cheek. Marian let the sensation build a brief instant before beating it into submission and reaching for the palm to guide it down.

"A little," she admitted, "but well worth the brief pain. You are quite adept."

"It is the training, but I am glad it came is use." He pursed his lips together. "Hawke, I..."

"You said one night, Zevran. I appreciate you being up front with me. I accept that is what you can give."

He nodded. "I feared you might be looking for...more."

Marian sighed. "I am, Zev. But I'm not finding it here, am I?"

The assassin seemed thoughtful as he looked her over. "I honestly don't know what I'm feeling, Hawke. I find myself wanting things I thought I was well beyond desiring, but I can't quite place them cara. Is that love?"

Marian turned on her back, considering the roof of their tent. "I don't know, Zevran. New territory for me too, remember? I do know nothing has changed about who we are. You and I trying something more than this would just hurt both of us. I have always been a proponent of life, Zev."

Zevran sat up, pulling a shirt on. "I know only death, cara. But this was nice, for a time."

Marian snuck out of his tent, barely disguising the exodus. Even so she felt eyes on her, turning to see Leliana watching the scene. Marian sheepishly waved and went to wash up. By the time she returned, the day was ready to go on as normal, but now Alistair and Morrigan in their quiet conversation didn't bother her so much. Instead, she was ready to simply continue on.


	5. Kings and Queens

"Andraste's flaming sword! I know where babies come from!"

Marian snickered at Alistair's blow up to Wynne's coddling. It was endearing. She even managed a whistle on the road to Recliffe, smiling. Somehow, she'd managed to let everything go but their mission in the last few days. Must have been something about fighting a bunch of cursed shape-changers that put life in perspective. It could be worse. She just had to worry about darkspawn and archdemons. For now. The hardest part was going to be appealing to Denerim. If she had another candidate for the throne maybe it would be easier, but heirs to Cailan or Maric were not dropping out of trees.

Which is why when Alistair pulled her and Morrigan aside, the last thing Marian was expecting was him to admit to being Maric's bastard son. She actually doubled over in laughter. "Alistair, sweet Alistair, what are we to do with you?"

"I fail to see the humor in this, Hawke."

Morrigan just gave a light smile. "There is one thing I do not understand."

Alistair looked at his love and raised an eyebrow. "Just the one?"

"Well, you. But in particular, my love, why the deception for so long about your parentage?"

"Have a care," he warned. "You know all about deception."

"I do. Which is frankly why I am confused. The deception lost it's use when King Cailan perished."

"I guess I just sort of hoped it might...go away?"

Marian smiled as Morrigan wrapped him in a hug and kissed him gently. "Oh my love, the truth does not simply go away."

"I never said it was a good plan."

Marian leaned against the rock of the mountain pass. "Alistair, you realize I could have used this much sooner if I had known?"

"Used what? How?"

"I think your fellow warden means," Morrigan supplied, "that this is the means to supply a ruler for Ferelden in place of Loghain's bratling girl."

"I...no." He looked panicked, scared. "I can't be king."

"You'd be better than most," Marian supplied. "I think this is exactly what Ferelden needs. A kind, warden, formerly-Templar king." She closed her eyes, laughing before she even continued. "And the apostate queen."

"Now you are joking." Morrigan's voice was low, more like her old violent self.

"I've rarely been so serious." The lilt of laughter betrayed Marian's words but she struggled through. "Alistair is a calm influence, inspiring trust and loyalty. Morrigan, you can be the first symbol of change: a mage held high, with no need of a Circle, and you can be the cold beauty who will do whatever is needed to protect the kingdom and her family. The stories practically write themselves."

Both her companions were pinching their noses and looking at each other in horror.

"Maker's balls, she's right."

Marian laughed. "Great proposal to your future queen your highness."

"You are sure about this?" Morrigan's voice came tense, unbelieving. Then, more vulnerable, she practically whispered, "You aren't messing with me?"

Aliistair took Morrigan's hands in his own. "I didn't expect to love you Morrigan, but I do. And if I have to be king your place is at my side."

The witch squeezed his hands tightly in her own. "If I go crazy I am taking you with me."

"Does that mean you both agree?" Marian asked, a little tentative. When they both nodded, she stood straight. "Good. Now let's go save you two a kingdom, shall we?"

\- just after Redcliffe -

Marian was not okay after the days they spent with Arl Eamon. Between running back to the Circle and venturing into the Frostbacks she was simply exhausted, and arriving in Denerim was a treat. Or should have been.

"I'm sorry. Arl Who did what now?"

"Arl Howe...oh ha ha. Very funny." Alistair rolled his eyes, though the sparkle proved he appreciated the pun. "Arl Howe kidnapped Anora. It would be in ill taste to let her just sit there."

Marian bit the bottom of her lip. "I suppose. I don't know a whole lot about politics."

"You navigate them well, cara," Zevran assured. "Whatever you say is to be done is likely right."

Annoyance surged through Hawke. "I'm lost, alright? We have the barest semblance of a plan, and I have no idea how theses things work! I wish... Maker, I wish I was someone else. Some noble maybe, or even a mage with some manner of insight. But I'm just some farmer mage's daughter! I..." With that, Marian dropped and took a deep breath. "I... am so sorry! Won't happen again." Her eyes glistened as she looked at the two men, her best friends in all Thedas. "Alright. Plan. Zevran, you are the assassin. You get us in."

"Me?"

"Yes. You. Alistair, you said Morrigan's ring will let her sense where you are no matter what? That's our back up plan if we get caught."

"Brilliant."

Hawke thought about the route before them. Howe was a traitor, and would die. Loghain as well. Yet she couldn't help but think that what she set in motion here would return to harm her someday. Shaking off the feeling, Hawke returned to the work, dismissing the idea entirely.


	6. This is War

The Landsmeet went better than expected. Hawke made her speech and quickly installed Alistair and Morrigan as rulers. The duo immediately called for Loghain's execution and Anora's imprisonment and gathered the armies for battling the darkspawn and archdemon. It was tiring, especially after dealing with Howe so recently, but the victory of it was sweet.

It had been a rather long day. After meeting with the commanders Marian was simply ready to go fall asleep and prepare for battle the next morning. But Riordan needed her, and Alistair. Sighing, she gave the elder warden her time.

Which led her to now.

"So you're saying to defeat the archdemon at least one of us is going to have to die?" Marian said incredulously. "That's delightful."

"I take the responsibility myself of course, but there's no guarantee I'll survive to slay the beast."

Marian nodded. "Oh believe me, I know. And we can't leave that...thing alive." She sighed. "Thank you Riordan. Alistair and I need a moment." When the elder warden had left Marian looked at Alistair very carefully. "Well. If it comes down to it, I'll go after the archdemon while you command the defenses."

"Hawke! I can't have you dead!"

"It's not exactly plan A," she quipped. "Unfortunately it is the plan B that makes most sense. If it comes to a choice between us- well, kings are infinitely more useful alive. Regular old heroes...a little more dicey."

The blonde's demeanor tensed. "Marian..."

"I was recruited for a reason. Maybe this was it." She shrugged. "My family is still in Kirkwall. If something does happen, just let them know, would you?"

Alistair wanted to say she was wrong, to assure his friend, but he had no way to take this on himself. Marian was right. He was a ruler now- it was sudden, but it meant he was responsible for more than just himself. The last months had been building to this moment. "I will," he heard himself promise, though he thought more about the time he had spent talking with Hawke. They had become close friends, and he understood there would be no changing her mind.

"I'm...I need to get some sleep." Mari rushed out then, heading directly away from her room. Pushing back the confusion, Alistair went to his...

To find Morrigan there, already half undressed.

"Can we talk?"

"Not with you looking like that, my dear," Alistair smiled, wearily.

"Something on your mind?"

"I..." He stalled, unsure what to say.

"I know what a warden must do to defeat an archdemon," Morrigan announced. "I know the burden that was placed on you."

"Not me," Alistair corrected.

"So it is already decided?"

"Riordan is going to try. If he falls... Hawke would take responsibility."

"Is it so strange to send people to die in your stead, your highness?"

"I just never expected someone who became my best friend to be the first," he admitted.

"Marian Hawke. Making plans within plans for us all. Do you wish to plan around her? To astound her and all the wardens through history?"

Alistair chuckled. "You have a plan of our own then?"

"Let me ask you this first. Are you ready to be a father?"

\- 00 meanwhile... 00 -

Marian knew Alistair would be having a long conversation with Morrigan. Even if he wasn't otherwise occupied, the discomfort of this moment wasn't one to be shared with him. She found herself drawn instead to the further reaches of the estate, where she knew Zevran had taken up for the night. She approached his room slowly, knocking with the greatest hesitation.

It took only a minute for the door to open. Zevran was only half dressed and quite obviously had been preparing to get to sleep. Marian sighed and lost the last bit of nerve in her. "I shouldn't have disturbed you," she mumbled, starting to turn back. "My apologies."

The elf grabbed onto her shoulder. "Marian. Wait."

He'd said Marian, calling her by her given name. Just that much got her to turn back, surprised. She had honestly wondered if any of them remembered her name with how little it was used. Not only that, it sounded very different from him than anyone prior to now. Her mental armor down, she didn't resist as he pulled her in and closed the door. Within moments she was sitting down on the bed, waiting as he got a shirt on and returned.

Zevran sat beside Marian, quiet for a moment before finally breaking the silence. "Cara, you came here. It may be helpful if you actually talk."

"I'm not even sure why I'm here," Hawke admitted. "I guess I'm just a little unsteady right now."

There was a moment of silence to follow. Then Zevran pulled his friend into an awkward hug, keeping some distance. "I am your friend first and foremost. Tell me, or don't, as you wish- but know I am here."

Marian thought a moment. "I... don't want to be alone right now. Could I..?" The question sounded so stupid to her, but she had to ask. "I'm not asking for anything but your presence," she clarified.

"Of course, my friend."

They spent that night resting beside each other. Marian managed a fitful sleep, and was glad of the company since Zevran was able to lightly nudge her awake when the nightmares got too bad.

When the sun rose, Marian Hawke slid out of Zevran's quarters and into her own to prepare for the day. She felt a little bit lighter though, even with the pressure of expectation weighing on her shoulders. Even when her worst fears were realized and Riordan fell, Marian managed a stoic calm that rivaled anyone.

"Wynne, Oghren, Leliana- with me. Alistair... you know what to do."


	7. Promises

Alistair had never been so pleased to hear a friend's voice as when he caught Marian's in the wind after the bloody battle. She was side by side with Leliana, and very vocal in her stance.

"Yes I understand how very useful bows and arrows are Leliana. That does not preclude the fact I am horrible at actually using them. I'm fairly sure I'm a lost cause at your archer's work."

"Nonsense. You perform perfectly in every other way! Now that the Blight is finished I'm taking a month and you WILL be proficient. I promise."

"Leli..."

Marian's comment was cut off by Alistair running over and giving her a tight hug. "Welcome home my friend."

Marian returned the squeeze in turn. "It's good to be home." Then, in a whisper only he could hear, "Nice to still be standing as well."

"I'll explain later."

Later was quite a bit later, after Marian had soaked for hours in a warm bath. In spite of a few invitations, she chose to take dinner on her own before crashing and getting a well-deserved and very long sleep. The next morning she found herself actually feeling refreshed and comfortable as she rose from the bed, glad to realize that the world was no longer in a danger only she an Alistair could end. She stretched happily and to the wardrobe for something to wear- only to laugh.

It was nothing but dresses.

After a moment considering protest, she shrugged. It wasn't as though she was adverse to a skirt, but it had been several months since she'd worn one. Her eyes fell to a very simple dress in a silver-grey that should fit perfectly. Pulling it on, she was pleased to find she was right: it was perfect. She found a blue woven cord amongst the accessories which she tied at the waist, accenting the curve at her hip, and checked in the mirror. Satisfied, she headed down.

Morrigan and Alistair were the only ones up. The new king had his mind occupied by a proposal he'd been brought to look over- something about the Howes and Amaranthine from the few words Mari saw. Morrigan greeted her with a cup of tea, nodding approval. "So you are a woman. I had wondered."

The comment got Alistair to look up, eyes popping out. "I...ah...good morning, Hawke."

Marian chuckled as she sat. "Your highnesses. So, any good gossip I should be aware of right now?"

"Well you're definitely the hero of the day." Alistair went back to his paperwork. "Other than that..."

"You were going to explain how I'm still alive I believe? Not that I'm not grateful, mind, it's just a curiosity."

"That would be my doing," Morrigan answered for the now blushing monarch. "I found a loop in the hole and my dear husband-to-be was more than willing to oblige. Which reminds me, Alistair..."

"We're moving up the wedding. Two weeks. Please stand beside me, Mari?"

The female warden smiled. "I see. So the witch is with child already?"

"Hush! Don't need all and sundry aware," Morrigan hissed.

"Of course not. I'm happy for you. And of course I'll stand with you if you want Alistair."

That decided, the trio shared a quiet breakfast. During that Morrigan explained about the ritual, and Marian offered her thanks. Afterwards, Alistair asked for a pen and signed the document he'd been pouring over during the meal.

"Hawke, would you mind walking with me a moment?"

Marian stepped out into Denerim with Alistair, seeing the devastation, but also the bustling entity that was the city. Even the battle couldn't truly stop life here. She stayed slightly behind his shoulder to the right, letting him pick the pace as they stepped through. "You are a Ferelden hero, Hawke. The Hero, some are saying, because you slew the archdemon and lived. I may not have planned it that way but it does add to your...mystique." He took a deep breath, shaking his head. "Look, Hawke...Marian...I am in a sore spot. There are only two gray wardens left in the whole country, and one of us is king. When the Orlesian wardens come from their headquarters they will want a commander. If one is not in place, they will make us accept one of theirs. Our reputation is tenuous at best; an Orlesian Commander of the Grey..." He shook his head vigorously.

Marian stopped dead in her tracks. "Are you suggesting..?"

"I know you wanted to rejoin your family, but this is important Hawke!"

"I..." She sighed, mind reeling. "I hate you being...rational."

"Then you mean you'll do it? You'll take over as Commander of the Grey Wardens in Ferelden?"

"In peace vigilance, right?" She stepped to catch up, no longer behind but right at his side. "You are going to owe me a boon, your highness."

Alistair chuckled, and began explaining his plan. Marian had to admit it was brilliant- so long as there really weren't any members of the Howe family left.


	8. Letter to a Hero

To Marian Hawke-

Really? The Hero of Ferelden? That is hilarious. And painful.

I've always lived under your shadow, sister. That shadow has suddenly grown tenfold. I suppose it shouldn't matter here in Kirkwall, but it does.

That is why I have to write you.

I spoke with mother and Bethany. We have a chance at a real home here Mari, something father always wanted for us all. I cannot take them away, not when there is a chance. Besides what good would I be if I simply took advantage of your good fortune? And could you guarantee Bethy's safety?

The year will be up in two months. Then I have a plan which will allow us to reclaim the old estate and once more have a home of stature, just as mother dreamed. I will protect Bethany, and mum. Don't worry. I will write when I have more of a plan.

Until then, Mari, may the Maker watch over you.

-Carver

\- response -

Bethany-

I am hurt to say that I trust Carver and you in judgement to stay in Kirkwall. As much as I miss you all it is safer there. I cannot protect you completely here. I may have the ear of the King, but the Templars will see it otherwise.

I love you. And mum. And Carver. I miss you all deeply. Maybe I will come and see you, if my watch ever has a chance to end. Wardens don't exactly get a vacation.

If ever you do want to come home, come to Amaranthine. I will pray I see you someday, safely, and if not then the Maker's cruelty must have reason.

Love always-

Mari


	9. Mari's Boys

The trip to Amaranthine had been very uninteresting. Marian was actually pleased by the lack of events. She hoped the story would be the same when she reached the town, and the fortress of Vigil's Keep. Unfortunately she was still Marian Hawke and her luck was fickle. Thus it was not too surprising to instead find her new home under attack by darkspawn when she arrived.

The litter of bodies and bright stream of mage-fire caught Hawke's attention right off. The little blonde ponytail completed her knowledge of the man before her as he turned and quite clearly stated, "I didn't do it."

Marian held back a smirk. "Really? I remember saying exactly the same thing a year ago in a strikingly similar situation. That didn't end so well for me." In actuality, it HAD been her, and the Templars knew it, but this mage didn't have to know that much.

"Ah. Well I won't say too broken up about them dying, but I'm not a huge fan of what killed them. Darkspawn. Ugg."

Ugg indeed. "Who exactly is it you are supposed to be, ser mage?"

"Me? You may call me Anders, my lady." He gave a small flourish and took her hand to kiss the top. "At your service, even if I am a wanted apostate."

"I have... some familiarity with apostates." He was up-front and witty, easy to trust. "Tell you what. Why don't you help me now and we deal with what happens after...after?" She gave him a slight wink, hoping it would relay her intention to be useful in turn. He followed her lead from there, so it must have worked.

It was almost like with Alistair, the ease with which she found herself working with the mage. Unlike with her fellow Warden, however, Anders quipped back from the start. They quickly found they were the same age and shared a birthday. With that, he stuck his tongue out and Marian gained a new nickname.

It had taken by the time they cleared the Keep and Marian was eye to eye with her best friend. "Sis, who is that in the shiney armor?"

"Just a very good friend," Marian explained, though she dropped to her knee. The seneschal followed suit, her other companions confused by the action.

"Sorry I'm late," Alistair greeted. "I miss this darkspawn-killing thing." He extended an arm, offering it to Marian. Hawke accepted the help up, giving her friend a pat on the back.

"Better late, Alistair. If I got you in a battle it might stain the armor and I'd be in real trouble."

"Andraste's grace, sis, that's King Alistair!"

Alistair blinked. "That...isn't..?"

"No Alistair, Anders here isn't my brother."

As Marian opened her mouth to continue the Templar guard piped up. "No he is not. Beware your majesty, he is a dangerous apostate we were in the process of bringing back to the Tower. Though now that he's killed I suppose he will need to be brought to justice."

"What you know of justice would fill a thimble," Anders scoffed, stalled by Marian's arm from speaking further.

"None of that. I hereby conscript this mage into the Grey Wardens. As we retain that right, you no longer have a say. Now leave us to speak with the King."

Anders looked at Marian, stunned. "Me? A Grey Warden? I... guess that will work."

"Welcome to the club. I'm sure his highness will help me reach you the secret handshake. Brother."

She was pleased to find a mage willing to help her cause. Anders reminded her dearly of her father, from his broad smile to the cheeky laugh. Even his wit. Marian felt a pang. Anders made her miss her family, being like the brother she should have had.

He would make a magnificent warden.

It was on reaching the main fortress castle that Marian found her time monopolized. Someone had already found out who she was and came with plans to kill her and her own. With a sigh, she wandered to the dungeons and had the guards step aside. This would be quick...

What she did not expect was the man before her. Haunting grey eyes, very taut lips. She wondered what had led him here, and actually considered hearing him out before deciding his fate.

When he spoke, voice measured, Marian about rolled her eyes at the bad joke. "So you're the Hero of Ferelden. Aren't you supposed to be ten feet tall with lightening bolts shooting out of your eyes?"

"I see my reputation proceeds me." She could humor him with a light chuckle as she leaned against the wall. Though really, did EVERYONE have to be a comedian? Laughter was her job!

"It does. I know you best as the one who murdered my father." That got her attention, and Mari straightened under the increased intensity of his gaze. "I am Nathaniel Howe. My family owned these lands until you showed up. Do you even remember my father?"

"Ah, so you're the arl's son. Now it makes sense." Marian found her mind racing. She couldn't...not when it all came down to family. She thought of her own siblings, wondering how she would react if one of them was killed for a mistake in judgement. Nonononono, her brain cried. This wasn't possible!

"My father served the Hero of River Dane and killed Orlesians. Yet our family lost everything. I came here...I thought I was going to try to kill you. I was laying a trap for you. But then I realized- I just want to reclaim some of my family's things."

Marian thought carefully. Very carefully. "Just how much do you know about your father?"

The man in front of Hawke deflated. "Whatever my father did shouldn't harm my whole family. The Howes are pariahs now- those of us that are left. It's all thanks to you! And now you get to decide my fate. Ironic, isn't it?"

Marian looked past Nathaniel at the wall as if the answer was there. She'd intended on hanging him.

"Irony? No. Irony is when you expect one thing, but something else happens. I do know something of the concept. Maybe I will get to show you." Marian turned on her heel, ignoring his confusion as she exited the cell and called for the guard. With a chuckle she added "I've decided what to do with you." That should give him something to consider. She very pointedly made sure not to turn back and see his questioning, because her heart had done everything in it's power to flutter.

Moments later, Nathaniel was in front of her yet again. Marian scrunched her nose. "I promised you irony, Ser Howe. Here it is: I wish to invoke the right of conscription."

Both her seneschal and Howe answered in tandem. "What?" Marian thought about biting back her smirk but thought better of it. The elder man recovered first. "I'm sorry. The right of conscription? On the prisoner?"

"Absolutely not! Hang me first!" Nathaniel's lips were screwy though, and Marian recognized his slight pleasure at the thought of joining them. Good.

"Don't you think this might be preferable to dying?" Her tone was light, playful.

"Hard to say. Do you like having grey wardens who want you dead?"

"Some of my best friends wanted me dead." Marian shook her head at the thought. Zevran- though that brought back thoughts that would color her cheeks too fully. That had turned out just fine. "Truth is, Howe, you didn't want me dead. If you had, you wouldn't have told me your plans. Not here at least."

Nathaniel would never forget that moment. There was the Commander of the Grey, joking with him, when she suddenly went as pale as a ghost and seemed to lose focus. Her voice went from light to a deep, carefully guarded whisper. "Besides, I do understand something of family. It's important to stay focused on the people who cared for you even if they make mistakes. I respect that."

Marian Hawke went from being an enemy to a curiosity in that moment. Certainly he couldn't let this morose version remain. Not after she had chosen to go out on a limb for him here. With an exaggerated frown he lightened the atmosphere. "I can't decide if this is a vote of confidence or a punishment."

Marian did manage a smile, but the color stayed out of her cheeks as she answered, "I'm still working that out myself."


	10. Taking a Chance

Every time they passed the Chantry in Amaranthine, Nathaniel stopped by the statue briefly. He did it again today, very aware of Marian Hawke's eyes on him. Since the beginning, he had been aware of her eyes, and tried not to be fully disconcerted by the assessment he was under constantly; it was no surprise she had noticed how he looked at the statue of Andraste in the courtyard.

To be honest, Marian was a mystery to the young Howe. She held herself as a noble almost naturally, but claimed to have no bloodline. On top of that, she had a great care for all the Wardens under her command. He had noticed it from the minute he came to after the Joining, her hand on his shoulder in welcome as he woke. At first Nathaniel had put it down as an aberration since Anders was there as well, and the two bickered and shared in turn like siblings. It came to his attention later that the mage had recovered much faster and was already raiding the kitchen by that point, meaning Marian had been waiting only for him. It was an odd act for someone he had just been considering an enemy.

Everything Hawke did seemed designed to strengthen the alliances with her Wardens and with the Arling. It was impossible not to be drawn to her in some manner. Even in her hunt for the missing, seeking Wardens she had never had occasion to meet, her regard was strong.

For Nathaniel, it was the time she spent pitting their skills against each other that let him get to understand her. She was sharp,with the blades in her hand, and kept fluid to the point he never knew where she would go next. Beyond that, he'd been in the field with her quite long enough to know anything she touched could become a weapon. One day, he would not be surprised to observe her slaughtering darkspawn with an off-handed tea cup. When he asked of her training, she had simply given a wry smile and avoided any semblance of answer. He'd heard her in battle though; she had definitely been trained by one of the bards.

Probably part of why Marian Hawke knew to wait until the two were alone to tap him.

"What is it with the statue?"

Nathaniel sighed. She knew something. "It's strange. All my life, that was a statue of a Howe ancestor. Now, it's the Maker's Bride."

Marian shifted uncomfortably. "That... might be partly my fault. Alistair and I made the decision to erase the Howe name until it could be rehabilitated, if it could. I'm sorry."

"No. It is what I would have done." He raised a hand to stop any discussion on the topic. "I suppose it was timely anyway. My father was apparently cruel, doubtless it ran its course. Who knows what that ancestor may have done."

Turning, Marian sat. There were no chairs here, so she slid to the steps. Nathaniel followed suit, finding the familial gesture comforting.

"Your father was flawed. I... I didn't want to kill him, Nathaniel. I tried to get him to stand down, but he refused. Adamantly. I am sorry." Marian curled her knees up, resting her head on them. "We all have our faults, Howe, but the people we love shouldn't pay for them. I'll have it replaced. For you and your sister."

Nathaniel almost protested, but the thoughtful look on Hawke's face made him reconsider. She had an unusual aire in that moment, and for the first time he could see the part of her that was not meant for this. Uncertain. After a month, he noticed she was truly human. "You know, Commander..."

"Hawke."

"Yes. Hawke. You know, it is my experience that every person who ever was honored by a statue was some manner of scoundrel. This is no different."

Marian- how is it he thought of her by her first name?- smiled and stretched at that. "You DO know Redcliffe just received permission from the crown to raise a statue of me apparently, yes?"

"That only proves my point."

Her laughter was cheerful, and musical. He imagined she had a tremendous singing voice, and quite suddenly dearly wished to hear it. Unfortunately that was when Anders and Oghren returned, the mage holding a kitten and almost squealing in excitement. Marian also hopped to her feet, rushing to see the small furry creature.

"By the way Hawke." She turned to him briefly, her steps paused midway. He couldn't believe he was about to do this, but... "Call me Nate."

Maker her smile was brilliant.

0 $*^

Breakfast was, at times, a raucous affair. Nathaniel Howe wasn't sure he'd ever get used to it. The dwarf was loud, and the mage Anders was almost insufferable. Commander Hawke claimed to trust both with her life however, and he had continuously found them both highly useful. Lucky too, since ever since Marian had confirmed his prowess with a bow he was on every single venture with her and those two. He watched her now, finishing a bit of sausage and chuckling at her companions' antics.

Oghren had started on the subject of dating, and things had gotten even more racey from there. Nathaniel had found himself pushed to contribute at their small table, talking about his time with the women in the Marches. It hadn't been his main focus, but there had been women, and his father had suggested he enjoy the freedom before returning to claim his titles. In fact, Marian was the only one who had been silent during the conversation.

"What about you, Commander Hawke" Ander's finally asked. "I've discussed my daring and embarrassing exploits in the Circle. What about your own experiences?"

The lady rogue colored profusely. "I am not comfortable with this discussion."

"Come on. You were with the army! Didn't you ever sneak off for a dalliance?" Oghren asked with a laugh.

Her answer was a mutter into her morning beverage.

"Sorry? What was that?" Anders asked, incredulous.

"I said I've only done anything like...that...once."

"He must have been quite special to you," Oghren supplied, confusion in his eyes.

"Who is the lucky man?" Anders asked, glimmer in his eyes. "Or is it a woman?"

Marian sighed and slammed down her drink. Nathaniel jumped back, as did the other two men.

"It was during the Blight actually. Nothing special, just a way to feel something other than pressure and rejection." Marian sighed, then laughed dryly. "Other than that the boys were too scared of me I guess. I always thought I was pretty enough for them to pay attention to." She paused, semi-serious, and looked at the three men around her. "Oghren, tell me I'm pretty?"

Humbled, the dwarf reached for her hand. "Were I unwed I would take you in a manly fashion Hawke."

"Because I'm pretty?"

"Because you're pretty."

Nathaniel watched, now mesmerized as Hawke Rose and went towards her office with a grin. "I'll see you boys later then. Thank you, Oghren."

The three sat stunned as they finished breakfast. Anders looked at Oghren. "Do you..?"

"Well it wasn't me! And if I knew I wouldn't say after that."

Nathaniel found his mind torn about what to do. One side said to forget it; the other...

The side wanting to let it go won. Yet from that point forward, as the day progressed, he found her presence grow more and more distracting.

\- 00 Later that night...

After dinner, Marian tapped Nathaniel impishly as she slid to her office. He was following almost before he realized it, drawn to do so. Entering he was struck by how natural it was to consider this as HER office, even as it last belonged to his father. It was as if her presence had overcome what had been left behind.

"Nate." Marian's voice was light, though it trembled gently. "I have a surprise for you."

"I'm not typically one for surprises, Hawke."

"I promise you'll love this one." With that, she reached under her desk and took out a weapon careful cradled in fabric. Careful, he took it from her, eyebrows creased in confusion until he pulled a bit of the cloth back. The wood was weathered but strong, polished as much by the long years as sure hands.

"Is that what I think it is?" Nate knew his voice had dropped, nearly reverent. He pulled it out and inspected. "It is. That's the Howe crest burned into the wood right there. This is my grandfather's bow. Or rather my grandfather was the last to use it. It was originally made for an ancestor during the Exalted Marches..." Realizing he was rambling, Nathaniel paused and looked up at his friend.

"Well, it's yours now, Nate." She leaned against the desk, boosting herself up. "I would give anything to have something of my past. I know you will protect yours. After all, it was your initial purpose here was it not?"

"It was. Outside of laying that trap."

"Outside of that, obviously," Marian quipped, shrugging. "There was one other thing I was hoping to broach with you if it isn't too much trouble. I was hoping you might call me... by my given name. At least when we're like this."

The concept dizzied Nathaniel briefly and he knew it was trouble. Instead of protesting he heard himself assure, "Of course, Marian." The surge that flooded through his system was electric. Just speaking her name almost made him light-headed. He tried- and failed- to push away thoughts of speaking it in softer, more intimate tones...

That was the instant Nathaniel Howe knew he had lost the fight. He had fallen in love.


	11. Friends and Mistakes

Marian held the back of the group for once. She was a little surprised when Nathaniel fell into step beside her, eyes forward following her gaze.

"Ah," he stated with a slow nod.

"And what does the great Warden Howe think he has figured out?" Marian questioned, a small smirk at the corner of her lips. A knowing grin was pulling at his, and the levity only made him more charming...

She forced herself to stop thinking and listen to his answer: "You're concerned about your mage."

"I don't own Anders Nate, but yes I am. Have you been listening at all? If I didn't know better I'd suspect the spirit was... I don't know, courting?"

Nathaniel let out a laugh. "There's a thought." Marian joined, though much quieter. "I doubt there is any worry Marian. I've heard Anders as well."

As he stated that, Marian overheard the snippet of this latest discourse.

"He's not a slave!" Anders practically yelled in frustration. "He's a friend. He is also a CAT!"

"A cat that lacks freedom."

Marian sighed loudly, turning to Nathaniel. "I suppose you could be right," she admitted. "Besides, there are bigger issues. Like why we are finding a new breed of darkspawn, and how to keep Amaranthine afloat in this political mire. Doesn't mean this doesn't concern me."

Nathaniel seemed to consider her for a moment, then stepped ahead with the other two and began his own conversation with Justice. Anders slowed immediately and wrapped an arm around Marian's shoulders.

"Nice walk here, sis."

Marian nodded. "Hey Anders? I never asked but... why sis? Not that I'm not flattered but I don't get it really."

Anders went quiet, and Mari immediately regretted asking. Before she could retract the question she caught the answer. "Mages aren't allowed family ties or connections. I always wondered what it might be like to have a sibling, dreamed about it at times in the Tower. Thought about having a mother, father... a sister." He shot a sad smile as he added, "If it bothers you I can stop. I know you have a family..."

"No." The answer came very quickly, though without regret. She thought of Bethany, if she had wound up alone like that. "I just didn't know. You know I don't mind. Like I don't mind... anything else you do." The hush hung in the air, a secret between friends. "Any luck there by the way?" The last was quieter, with a glance to ensure neither of their companions noticed.

"Think so. Remember that last spell we tried..?"

The discussion went like that a while, Marian and Anders both checking the whole time to ensure neither Nathaniel or Justice paid attention. Those two were debating the nature of demons and possession, which was fine by Marian for the moment. It gave her time to hear her friend out and give him permission to do something crazy.

Crazy was good. Usually.

000 - Three days later - 000

Crazy was not good, Marian groaned from where she had hidden under her covers. Not good at all. It had been two days since it had happened, and she still felt like someone had grabbed her and thrown her underwater for hours on end. From what Anders had explained, that wasn't a bad description either.

The last thing Marian had remembered before waking up at the Keep was the sensation of falling and Nate calling her name as the latest darkspawn horde was dispatched. Then it had gone black, though she could almost recall someone picking her up with a quick kiss on her forehead.

The explanation had not been forthcoming. Not until she awoke here with Anders still beside her, apologies out before the questions had even been asked. That was when Marian figured out what had happened, without him even saying it directly. She had simply taken his hand and told him it was alright.

Unspoken was a promise he wouldn't do it again.

Even the forgiveness and understanding couldn't help that Marian was going to be unwell for a few more days unfortunately. She felt best hiding here in the dark, though she was still rarely alone. Anders was an obvious visitor, concern keeping him nearby and his attempts at offbeat humor ensuring their friendship didn't suffer. Ohgren popped in a few times, not surprising considering how long they had been traveling together, but his presence tired Mari out very quickly.

The surprise was Nathaniel. If Anders wasn't there, he was, though he tended to remain quiet and let her rest. It was actually very calming to have him there even in silence, whether he was reading or just being there with her. Many times Marian drifted off only to wake with him holding her hand. Even if it confused her she refused to bring it up since as soon as he noticed it was withdrawn.

When four days had passed since the incident, Marian determined she was going to go crazy staying here. It appeared she was alone for the moment, so she warily pulled herself up and out of bed. It wasn't so bad. She hardly even felt...

Just as she let go, her legs wobbled a bit and she started to fall. Luckily, a pair of arms wrapped around her in a rush as a familiar voice with an annoyed lilt asked, "Just what are you doing, Marian?"

Gulping, Marian Hawke turned to look her savior in the eyes. She saw not frustration but concern, and suddenly she really did feel unable to stand. "I could really use some air, Nate," she managed, not breaking the eye contact and very aware of his arms wrapped around her waist. They stood that way for a moment quietly before the young Howe picked her up and headed for the door.

"Umm- Nate?"

"As unsteady on your feet as you are? Anywhere you go, I'll help."

Marian was about to protest, except two things. One, his expression told her he was serious and not about to listen to complaints; two, his arms were surprisingly comfortable and she recognized he had been the one to grab her when she fell on the field days prior. With a sigh, she chose to simply rest her head on his shoulder and enjoy the moment. "As you wish then."


	12. Up On the Roof

When Marian Hawke wanted to disappear, she was able to. All she had to do was observe the people around her and use her knowledge of them to stay under their notice. When she wished to hide she was hidden. Sometimes she stayed in plain sight while others looked for her, amused at their inability to pin her location down.

It didn't work with everyone. Anders, for example, seemed to always spot her. All it took was a simple wink and he knew to be quiet about her whereabouts. Mari was sure he enjoyed observing the confusion as much as she did. And, recently, Nate was on the list as well. Much of the time at least.

It became a game to see if she could avoid him. Between reuniting him with his sister, aiding her other companions, and unraveling the mysteries around the goings-on around the Arling, both she and Nathan could use the distraction. And it was fun. For him as well, from what she observed.

Sometimes it was not just about sport. Tonight, for example, Marian was simply tired. It was the twins' birthday and she was a sea away. Her heart ached. She desperately wanted to be there for them, but Kirkwall was ages away. She told nobody what was happening, why she was on edge; she simply waited until the day's paltry work was done and escaped. She skipped dinner, choosing to simply...disappear. She had found a spot atop the highest tower, unused from what she could see, that suited her needs. She went there, turning north, missing her family and determined for one night not to simply let the sensation of loss go.

\- 000 Later... 000 -

The entire castle had gone crazy looking for Commander Hawke, but Nathaniel had gotten used to the idea that when she wanted to remain hidden she was not going to be found. He calmly went about the evening and kept an ear open in case she started stalking him. Again. Since he had confirmed her training in the the Orlesian arts, he found himself a guinea pig for some of her 'advanced training.'

That is to say, Hawke was trying to perfect sneaking up on a fellow rogue. She was also doing very well at it. On one hand he was a bit disconcerted she could just appear near him without his knowledge; on the other, it had lead to some amusing moments. And embarrassing. He still wasn't quite determined what to do about his feelings for her. Their comraderie had grown in spades, and she was relaxed around him, but that meant little.

Needing to get his thoughts together, Nathaniel headed to the highest tower. As a boy he'd found a spot there nobody else knew, and nobody had patched it fully since then. After heading up the stairs, he turned to the sharpest corner of the top room and reached to climb in the rafters. His hand searched, almost immediately finding the loose bit that would allow him access onto the roof. Pulling up, he stepped sure-footed onto the wood of the tower roofing...

To see Marian's red hair near at the edge, and hear her voice. The song was sad, but her voice was beautiful- even more than he expected.

"Lay by my side and we'll sail away, off to the shores of another day. All set to go once I hear you say good night my friend, until the morning...

"Up we will float as we close our eyes-stars all around us like fireflies. Just me and you drifting through the skies. Good night my friend..."

Nathaniel knew the song. It was a lullabye from the Free Marches he had heard a couple times, but in her mouth it was more than that. She seemed lonely, and he could see see the young girl who'd learned the song. He knew she had family, and siblings she had left when she was conscripted. How long ago must it have been? Nearly a year since she had seen her kin? He slowly sat beside her. Marian halted, turning to look at him.

"I didn't know anyone could find me up here," Marian admit red.

"I used to escape up here as a boy. I had no idea you had found it."

"It's escape then," Marian giggled. "And here I thought you were fitting in so well."

"I am. Thanks to you." He inched closer. "Fade spirits, intelligent darkspawn, all the works. I probably should be clawing for a way out as soon as possible, but not with you here." He paused, lifting an arm to snake around the woman beside him. "You showed me that this could be possible. The way you interact, how you treat all of us...even Justice...I didn't know someone like you could exist."

Marian shifted a bit in his grasp but didn't try to remove the arm that had closed at her waist while they sat. "I appreciate that you think of me as...a friend, Nate."

"That's not what I meant." Nathaniel caught his breath, gathering his courage. "I..Marian, can I ask that you think about me a moment?"

Marian smiled, facing him. "Ferelden nobles must have the biggest egos outside of Orlais."

"It's not that." Nathaniel immediately back-tracked, stumbling over what he wanted to say. "I'm asking out of a sense of fairness, since I find myself preoccupied with thoughts of you."

"Nathaniel, I..."

Before she could protest, Nathaniel leaned in and closed the gap between them. Marian fumbled with a beginner's uncertainty under the kiss for the first seconds, but on getting used to it let it deepen. As she relaxed, the Howe pulled her closer, until he was laying on the roof and she was on top, straddling him. Only then did they break for need for air cause them to part.

"That was unexpected," Marian noted breathlessly.

"Was it now?" He couldn't help noticing she made no indication of moving, which suited him fine for the moment. "I know I was confused, but I honestly thought I had been broadcasting my interest fairly loudly."

Marian seemed to consider that comment before simply shrugging. "I suppose I'd be the last to notice even so." With that, she leaned down and set her head against his chest, nestling in as his arms wrapped protectively.

"I know you miss your family," Nathaniel whispered, hugging her to him tightly. "Your real family. If you ever want to talk about it I am here."

Marian seemed to consider the offer a minute. "I've never really talked about how all- this- happened, have I? It's not the most pleasant story either way."

"Marian Hawke, it does not need to be pleasant. Let's start easy. Tell me about your parents. After all, you know all about mine."

Marian rolled off Nate's chest, but ensured he kept hold of her. Settled in his shoulder, arm wrapped around her, she reached for his hand and answered his question fully. "Mom was a noble from Kirkwall. Dad was an apostate," she started, glad not to feel tension at the admission. It gave her hope. They stayed like that for hours, watching the full moon crest overhead an still unwilling to stop. She told him about her siblings, about the blight. About how she was conscripted. And he only asked questions, kindly void of judgement.

It wasn't until she got to talking about Denerim she stopped.

"How long before they actually send a search party looking for me?" she mumbled into him, eyes closed as she took in the moment

"At this point I'd be surprised if they didn't wait until morning."

Marian let a smile break on her lips. "Good. Because you're exceedingly comfortable."

With a chuckle, Nathaniel gazed between the starlight and Marian. "You know, Mari, you are ridiculously beautiful. And... well I wish I'd known half of these things before I stormed back into Ferelden intent on killing you." When she just chuckled, Nate took a moment and lowered his voice. "Don't stop there. Tell me... about Denerim."

"Nate, I..."

"I want to know."

The memories slipped out. Marian couldn't help herself explaining everything. The truth, the exact words his father had used- the archdemon. Only when she explained that did he seem to truly tense, until she further explained Morrigan's gift.

The sun was already slowly rising in the east when Nathaniel Howe pulled Marian Hawke from the roof and the two returned to normal. It has been a sleepless, but fruitful night. And before they exited to prying eyes, he simply couldn't resist kissing her again.


	13. Set the Future

Justice was disconcerting to Marian Hawke. The notion in general, yes, but also the physical manifestation. She found herself unhappy with how long the spirit spent talking with Anders as well. It was not prudent. Not to say she treated him with anything but the utmost respect. In fact, she rather preferred to have him close and friendly. Her main concern was for her adopted brother.

Her brother.

A smile snaked into her eyes as a thought came to her, though it had a hitch. And she wrote to Alistair asking permission she did not need. It took less than a week to get her reply- he would help her with the Orlesian wardens if her command was questioned.

"Consider this your boon," he had written, but she could see his intention in it. He still realized he owed her, and this was a small price. Such was the benefit of a best friend who ruled over a nation. As close to official as she could get, Hawke supposed.

Paper in her pocket, she went to the main hall and cleared her throat. Anders and Nathaniel were talking, Ser Pounce playing between them; both stood as soon as Marian drew attention to herself, straightening in the way they would only when trying to appear official.

"Anders, a word, brother?" Marian kept her demeanor cheerful, though she knew he would not be pleased with her solution. It was for many reasons she seemed this necessary, not the least of which was Carver's last communication explaining his crack-pot idea. Anders followed her lead, confused, to the office. It was a mess of papers, organized precisely as Mari needed. She pulled one from a stack of clean paper and began writing.

"I have a mission for you. A rather... extended mission."

"How do you mean, Sis?"

"You have heard me speak of my brother in Kirkwall, yes? My brother by blood, and my sister?"

"Your family, yes. You have mentioned."

That was a start. Now to give him what she hid from everyone. "What I haven't mentioned is that my sister is an apostate." She sat back in her chair. "So was my father. My young life was spent trying to protect them and their secret."

Anders leaned against the wall, obviously a little shocked. "Ok, I should have expected that."

Marian wrote on the page. "My brother has the brilliant idea to head into the Deep Roads to find some treasure and restore the family name. I am...concerned. If I could I would join him, but as the Commander I have responsibilities. Nevertheless, I would feel better if he had a Warden watching out for him." She looked at the blonde mage, pleading. "There is a Circle there in Kirkwall. I can only promise so much protection, but..."

Anders slid to the ground, fully stunned. "You mean to send me? Send me away?"

"I trust you," Marian corrected. "There is nothing more important to me than my family, Anders. You should know- you are part of it now." She flashed a brilliant smile, and the mage cursed. He couldn't refuse this version of Marian Hawke. She knew that much. He suffered from a sibling's weakness to a sweet younger sister. Anders was hooked, and she didn't even have to give a stern order.

"When?" was all he managed to ask.

Marian finished the letter. "Leave with the next ship in two days. Be discreet- this is a personal errand, so I can't officially send you, but it wouldn't be a surprise to have a recruiter in the area." She handed him the page. "This will explain. If the Knight-Commander tries anything, you hand them this." Then she eased, helping him from the floor. "Other than my request to watch Carver and Bethany, and maybe send a person or two my way if you suppose they really want to join, I suppose there's nothing else for you to HAVE to do."

The reality clicked. Marian knew he sensed why she really offered him this opportunity. "So I have my freedom?"

Marian hugged him, tucking the page in his robe. "Like a bird, my friend." It was a gift, something she knew he had never experienced before now.

"Free. Like a bird. Or a cat- can I take Pounce with me?"

Mari softened as she smiled at him. "He was a gift, Anders. Please do." And with that, they went into the hall for one last drink before Anders had to pack for Kirkwall.

000 - $$$

Oghren and Sigrun worked well together, completing styles well. Marian and Nate had likewise developed a technique that built on their strengths. Together, the four cut through darkspawn well enough it was nearly an art; they preferred to consider it a competition, one Mari or Oghren usually wound up winning.

The only difference this day was that more was at stake. The forces were split, trying to keep both Amaranthine and the Keep safe from the explosion of forces descending. Nate was glad to have Marian close, squeezing her hand as they entered the hall. Just as he did, she looked up and he felt every part of her tense. She also looked quite pale when he looked again, even as she stepped out in front of the rest of the group.

Nathaniel started to reach for his bow when he heard the enemy speak. "I owe you an apology, Commander. When last we met, I intended to explain myself."

Marian growled at that, louder than any mabari, as she warned her nemesis. "You... you experimented on me."

Silence took hold and Nate felt his heart lurch. She had declined to go into detail before, but he could see from her expression now that it had not been a pleasant experience. Then the Architect continued. "I restrained you only to prevent the misunderstanding that occurred with the rest of your order."

"So you DIDN'T attack the Wardens." The other three looked at her oddly, mostly because of the tone. As of she'd already realized that was the truth.

"I sent my Withered to ask Grey Wardens for help. I should have anticipated that you would view our approach as an attack. I am so rarely able to predict your kind."

"We don't predict ourselves," Marian offered, her eyes narrowing. "To be honest, this wasn't even the first time I have been the object of such an experiment. However, it is hard to overlook that you took MY men and bled them DRY."

"The Grey Wardens that were brought to me were already dead." Nathaniel watched as Marian met this darkspawn's eyes head on and glared. Neither flinched, or moved, and Nate was honestly afraid to be the one to break the mood. Then, calmly, Marian nodded.

"Howe." The reversion to his last name shook Nathaniel, and he knew this was not his Marian but Commander Hawke giving orders. "Take the dwarves and step aside. I'm going to listen. If I don't like it, we can kill him later."

"You will be welcome to try," the Architect assured.

There was no room for discussion, and Nate really did not relish the idea of insubordination. He did as she asked, staying just near enough to catch pieces of conversation and be available if needed.

The whispered snippets were disconcerting enough.

"I like my blood where it is thank you!"

"After it is done, I will leave to continue my work. I don't wish to lead..."

"An ally? Among the darkspawn?"

"You are...too generous."

"You understand the leap of faith I have to take here, yes? Next time, ask for volunteers."

"I will accept."

Marian stepped back to the hallway, a fake smile on her face. "Good news Wardens. We have some much needed assistance against this... Mother." She shuddered, "Let's go."

Nathaniel took her hand, pulling her back as Ohgren and Sigrun walked ahead. "Marian, what did you promise?"

"Nothing I will regret," she assured. "Though it may haunt my nightmares for a little while." She turned with a flippant smile. "Like old times, really."

Mari's hand was still shaking when Nate squeezed it, not stopping until he gave her a proper kiss. "For luck, my dear. Let's make this worthwhile."


	14. Stars Aligned

Marian should not have been surprised to see Zevran again, especially here. He kissed her cheek and shared a wink all the while keeping his eyes glued to Nathaniel. She wondered precisely what her former assassin was up to only a small bit. The annual gathering in Denerim took precedence after all, and this year was a special occasion. Scant months after the attacks by darkspawn ravaging the city, King Alistair was set to announce the line of succession. This would be the official proclamation, and Marian knew he was nervous. This is when he would state Morrigan's pregnancy and announce his intention to return inheritance rights to mages that passed their Harrowing. It was a huge risk, but a needed one if he truly planned to back reform.

Which may explain Zevran's presence. Leliana was sadly absent, a call from the Chantry coming to her and pulling her away, meaning Mari and Zevran were Alistair's political lines of defense. Marian could only go so far, having to remain in some spotlight as she reported the troubles in Amaranthine; Zev could stay behind and quietly observe. It would be a good if comfortably close arrangement.

Zevran whispered into Marian's ear as he pulled away. She nodded with a pleasant smile and waved her hand. Two porters disappeared, leaving just Mari, Zev, and Nate.

"I thought I mentioned alone," Zevran tisked.

"Consider Howe a semi-permanent shadow," Marian offered. "He's my second. What I need to know, he needs to know."

"Oh?" Zevran looked between the two, and even with their faces perfectly passive his next movement was to blink and burst into a knowing smile. "Oh cara, I see."

Nate lifted his eyebrows as Marian choked back a laugh. The male recovered first, forcing a calm as he asked, "What are you talking about?"

"You know, Alistair asked to to check out Howe's little pup here. Thought that you might be in danger once I uncovered his past. The whole set-up sent a warning sign that he might be trying to kill you." Nathaniel shuddered, shaking his head. "Imagine my surprise to see that the two of you are... licking lampposts in winter."

Marian groaned. "We aren't to that yet, Zev."

Nathaniel about choked at her comment, but not as much as when the elven assassin responded, "Yet? So you want to?" Nathaniel found his cheeks burning bright red.

Marian however just shoved her friend good-naturedly. "Stop. You'll embarrass me." She then crashed into a chair nearby. "Besides, none of that means he hasn't been trying to kill me."

Nathaniel about snapped. "That was... not recently."

Zevran replied by turning to the other man and glaring. Then he made a great show of flipping onto Marian's lap. "You seem to have a soft-spot for men who want to see you dead, cara."

She shrugged and pushed him off. "So what if I do?"

Nathaniel eyes the two by the chair, realization hitting quickly. "How is it you two met?"

Marian stood then and went to Nate, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I believe when we met I did mention some of my best friends tried to kill me. Zevran is an Antivan Crow."

Nathaniel let the amusement fully hit his face. "I must have looked an idiot if you'd dealt with him." Then, almost uncomfortably, he asked, "Is he the one you... mentioned?"

"Oh, so my little cara mentioned me! I am honored."

Marian could have avoided the entire uncomfortable scenario quickly unfolding deftly no matter what. Luckily there was already a plan in place, and keeping to it meant she was free. "Well gentlemen, I have a dress fitting, but do enjoy getting acquainted."

As soon as she left, however, Zevran walked right up to Howe's son and met him straight in. "If you choose to harm her in any way, you know the King will not have to pay me to take you down."

Nathaniel gulped. "That is... understood."

"Then that's settled. And you really should bed her. The experience is most enjoyable."

\- 000

Alistair's first official Landsmeet as King went better than it should have all things considered. Marian was considered the belle of the ball once more, this time measured words being her weapon instead of an actual weapon. The vote was hardly unanimous on mage rights, but enough to push it through with Queen Morrigan's influence.

Now it was ended. Marian went back to the apartments allotted to Amaranthine and poured herself a glass of wine before disappearing onto the terrace. Nate was moments behind her, wrapping around he waist and gently setting his chin on her head.

"Not as exciting as the first from what I understand," he commented.

"Not quite. Not nearly as much swordplay." She sighed. "Is it sad if that almost makes it more tiring?"

"I always hated these things, but it did go better than most of the controversial ones." He looked down at her, the pale blue of dress fabric clinging to her arms and flowing smoothly. He hadn't seen her in a dress before this trip, and had to admit it was quite the vision. Even so he couldn't help pulling her nearer, wrapping her tightly.

"I don't suppose I'll ever again be allowed to leave this all behind. Not that I would want to. It would disappoint Alistair immensely."

Nate chuckled, the vibration singing into Marian as well. She finished her drink, turning to her companion. "I need bed."

Nathaniel looked her over, as if considering. "Before that, I did have something I needed to say. Another... consideration, you may say, since you so honored me last time I asked."

"Well I must say you've peeked my curiosity." Marian set the glass down, stepping forward to take his hands in her own. "What do you wish me to consider this time, serrah?"

Nathaniel almost lost his nerve, but pulled it back to himself. It was Marian, and she wasn't going to ridicule no matter what.

"It has come to my attention that I may have done something rash, Commander Hawke. I went and fell in love. With you."

Mari blinked. "Oh. Maker, Nate, that's one hell of a consideration."

After a pause, the male Warden admitted, "I guess it is." What he hadn't expected was a passionate kiss to be forced on him at that point, this one full of a longing he had rarely- if ever- known Marian to possess. He soaked it in, letting his hands roam her back and lower. Her response was to simply lift a leg to prove a further point, making him moan himself.

"Mari..."

"I need you, Nate. I think I may love you too." She pulled at his top, forcing his closer and into another intoxicating embrace.

Nathaniel found his mind made up. He picked Marian up in a bridal-style carry, heading into the main bedroom, eyes locked on her the entire way. And when he lay her on the bed, he saw a completely different side to the usually confident Warden Commander. Here she was muted, pliant; Nate ran his fingers over her body, undoing her clasps and brushing the skin as it was revealed. She just shuddered, arching into his touch.

It was a very strange experience. Marian was completely submissive, following his every lead. Nate used the occasion to explore her completely before guiding her to reciprocate. Mari did so with a steady hand, and definite interest, but she didn't take any lead herself.

When the morning came, Marian was curled into his arm, eyes wide open and watching him. "Morning love," she greeted, fingers running in his hair.

"Good morning." He pulled her in, eliciting a squeal. "Was that enjoyable?"

"It... was."

Nathaniel smiled, the last bit of uncertainty leaving him. "It was not what I expected."

Mari blushed. "About that. I've had a lot of pressure since I was a child, and since I first becoming an adult it's been kind of... assumed I'm in charge." She shrugged and kissed his cheek. "If it's a problem I can work on that."

"No. No, I don't mind at all, love. If it helps, then this will be one place you are never asked to take the lead." Then, wrapping his arms around her, Nate rolled until Marian was directly beneath him. Mari took a deep breath and let him lead her once more.

000 -

Mama-

Sorry it has taken so long! It just now occurred to me that I have written Carver and Bethy, and yet never written you personally. I guess it was just easier to imagine you hearing word of me through them rather than explaining my own actions. Cowardly? Nope not me...

I think of you, all of you, so often it hurts. I wish I could come to you, listen to your stories like we did and have you or Bethy braid my hair like you used to. I miss those days. I miss the freedom I gave up when I was recruited to this thing which is bigger than myself.

I met someone. Two someone's, actually, who I hope you will accept into the family for very different reasons. First is a man I am sending who knew Cousin Illy. He reminds me of pa. A lot. I can't tell you who he is but you'll know. He shares my birthday too- can you imagine! It's like he's my lost brother (I DIDN'T have a twin you gave up to the Chantry, did I?). I hope you receive him well. I would have come myself, but duty calls.

I met...someone else. Another man, but who is very different in some ways. He and I shouldn't have things in common, but we do! And...

I think I love him mama. How am I supposed to know? How did you know, with dad?

I miss you. Maybe in a few months I can take some time away and see you all. I hope so.

Until then, I am ever your loving daughter.

-Mari

\- Return Letter -

My sweet, dear daughter-

A mother knows her children. I knew what you didn't tell your sister, or even your brother. You were prepared for the worst; I am glad it did not find you.

I know the man you mean. He's a wonderful boon, and were he my son I would happily declare it. I definitely would have remembered that. And you know how your father felt about the Chantry! If that had happened we'd have abducted him back. As it is I fully accept him as if he were. Bethany cares for him, by the way. He seems to find her too saccharine for his tastes, plus I heard something about "will not make out with the Commander's little sister" under his breath.

As for you my dear, if you believe someone worthy of you I am sure I approve. As for knowing if it's love...if you are asking, then you already know the answer. I hope he brings you joy.

Come to Kirkwall, even if for only a day. Bring your man. I'll have your family waiting for you.

-Your Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ends the first story arc! We will be heading forth with Carver, Champion of Kirkwall, next!


	15. Expectations

To Serrah Carver Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall:

Sincere congratulations on your appointment as the Champion. While it was a disappointment to miss you at the wedding, your absence is understandable in light of the complications in your city it is understood. Thank you for ensuring the presence of a member of your family on the ceremonial day.

Vigil's Keep is always open to you.

\- Warden Commander Marian Howe

\- attached letter, sent via Anders -

Maker's breath Carver!

Anders gave me a full report when he arrived with Bethany in tow (thank you for arranging that by the way). I'm proud of you. I never found the need to truly stand alone and pray I never must.

I am sorry about the Rivaini woman. She seemed good for you at the time I was there. Should I see her I will send her to you forthwith complete with chains. And maybe whipped cream.

I missed you brother but understand your heart was breaking. Hopefully time has already started to mend you and the elf-girl.

The ceremony was lovely. Mother would have loved it. Alistair was a dear and performed the rite himself, proving the Chantry training really did rub off on him. Bethy and Anders stood by us of course, though she chose not to dance with him. Said she has someone back home?

There was music, drinking, dancing. Very much a Marcher wedding. Nate was well pleased.

There is one last thing. I...need Anders back for a year or so. And before you go on about how horrible it will be to lose your healer, I need to explain. You see Morrigan gave us something unique for our wedding. She gave Nate and I a child. Well, the chance at one. I refuse to squander it, and my newly minted husband agrees. Agreed.

Send the Mage back quickly?

-Mari

\- return letter -

My sister, a mother? Well THAT will be amusing.

I'm sure you've noticed I acquiesced to your request of sending Anders back. Midwives are all well and good but someone with magic at their grasp would be better at your side. With everything I learned about him there is nobody I trust more with your care.

I miss Bella. But Merrill is...she's more than I ever expected. Yet both of us are undone, incomplete without Bella. Maybe we will see her again. Maybe we will only ever have each other. But if you see her, don't hold her. She is too wild for me to agree with taming her.

Give Nate and the little Howeling love for me.

-Carver

00 & -

Marian sighed as she put the crumpled letter back into place with the dozen others from her family. She kept them close at hand, sitting on a dressing stand in her bedroom, for times just like these. she had read each of them hundreds of times, but none more than the response Anders had returned with from his brief trip back to Kirkwall. It seemed to hold more of Carver than before, a turning point. Whether it was Merrill, Bella, or being named Champion of Kirkwall, it agreed with his temperament. She also had a feeling his Isabella would be back sometime.

As Marian set down the letters from another quick read, she heard a knock on her door followed by a loud cry and a "Maker's breath! Really?"

"Come in, Anders," she said with a laugh. The door opened, and her blonde companion entered with baby in his arms. The girl was crying, loudly, until Marian took her from his hold. Almost immediately the baby stopped whining and cooed lightly.

"I guess that's one girl who doesn't flock to me," Anders admitted.

"Good to know my little Lee has high standards. Does she also have a clean bill of health?"

Anders rolled his eyes, patting the baby girl on her head. "Very much so, though I am hoping to say the same about her mother as well."

Marian batted the mage's hand before he moved it to her forehead. "I'm fine Anders. Really."

"You do realize that would be more convincing if you let me check."

Marian grumbled but acquiesced to her friend's request. The warmth of his magic flooded through, and she saw the slight frown that appeared on his face. "Anders, really..." Before she could even try to say anything more he shook his head disapprovingly.

"If I let you get back to a little training will you promise to actually take time to rest?"

Shocked, Marian glanced up in surprise. "Changing your mind then?" It had been a sore point for the past two months, when Marian had given birth. Leandra, her daughter, had been perfectly fine but there had been complications. Neither Anders nor Nate really said, but from the coddling- not to mention her own perception of her body's limitations- Marian was certain said complications were worse than stated. The mage especially had been quite specific she needed to recuperate for a time, even when she reminded him what normal day looked like for her.

"It has been brought to my attention," Anders explained lightly, "that you won't be getting better just sitting around at this point. Not to mention pretty soon you will stop listening to me anyway."

Marian sighed as she continued to rub Leandra's back lightly. His logic was not at all faulty, though she felt a bit embarrassed for being called on the behaviors. "So how are we proceeding then?"

Anders found it his turn to give a conspiratorial grin. "Oh that really isn't my decision. See, I simply sent a letter to your bestest friend in the whole wide Thedas and let HIM decide what to do."

Mari cringed. "You got Alistair involved?"

"He was happy to pull a string or two, actually. Not sure you'll appreciate the results."

"What did you do brother?"

The answer didn't come from the mage, but a heavily accented and familiar voice at the door. "He simply wrote me."

Marian was more than a little surprised by Leliana's presence. She almost asked if the woman didn't have better things to do, then thought better of the comment. Her friends' loyalty was not something to be taken lightly. "Good to see you, Leliana." Smirking, she the corrected, "Or is that Sister Nightingale?"

Leliana leaned against the doorway, obviously amused. "For this trip, Hawk." The bard paused, lingering on the code name. Marian rolled her eyes at the reminder. "For this trip I am a bit of both. Just like old times, yes?"

Marian nodded. "Old times indeed." Leliana knew her well, and better than almost anyone knew what Marian was capable of. It was a good option to bring her in now. Apparently, the people around her paid closer attention than she anticipated.

Then Leliana said the words that would make Marian groan: "Since you have some time, I think this is the perfect opportunity for you to master the bow. After all, you never know when you'll be alone and need the accuracy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> The second part - An Unexpected Champion- is up and now complete, showing the effects of Carver as Champion of Kirkwall.


End file.
